Last night before I went to bed I started to write in my journal and pray and read my bible which has become an awesome routine in my life for the past couple weeks! So then as I was journaling and praying I stopped because I had to do my nightly bathroom break before bed! I was on my way out there and immediately it got very eery...I got the ebee geebees...if you know what those are haha! But the same feeling came that would come when I used to take my dog samson outside to use the bathroom at 2 in the morning! I became scared and it just felt like something was out there something was trying to attack this house and all the people in it!

I came back to the room and got in bed and noticed my teammate Rebecca was still awake so I told her what I had felt and read her my journal entry!..."I don't want us to get home and just decide to quit waking up ready for battle, its gonna be a struggle but that doesn't matter. I don't want to ever live my life being comfortable just living for myself and only myself not living everyday wanting to strive for more and grow in deeper intimacy with the Lord." 

We had a really good discussion on how right when we are striving for so much more and our team truly is going all for everything with every inch of our beings, of course it would be the time for the enemy to come a knockin on our doors tryin to lead us astray! we said NO we are not letting that happen on this team! I feared for our dreams and sleep that night! So I started reading Psalm 91! This always helps when you think the enemy is trying to attack and work his way in your life. I really have been growing so much in just the ways from my last blog of how God is teaching me to be a woman of integrity in many ways, But as I have been growing and really really truly stepping out and doing the things I say the enemy is trying to attack more! As you know from my last blog my past has determined many of the ways my life has gone. I vowed though to put an end to this then and there....THE END.....but then as tends to be the case thoughts come creeping in. And today I found myself battling with thoughts from my past, just lustful thoughts that a WOMAN of God and with High integrity should not be walking in...so I was crying out to the Lord, wondering why these won't go away! I think this is something I have struggled with my whole life and I am sick and tired of it! I DONT want these thoughts to consume my head rather I want thoughts of our Lord most HIGH! I REALLY mean that too! It says over and over in scripture for our consciences to be clear and to have pure thoughts and a renewed mind.....Galatians 5:19-26, 2 Timothy 2:20-22, Hebrews 4:12-13, 1 Thess. 5:5-8 and there are many more I can't find at this moment.

So see I know it's possible to have pure thoughts but it is so much harder when you have gone beyond what you are suppose to in a physical relationship! BUT just because its harder because of my mistakes does not give me room to sit and wallow in self defeat! I WILL NOT live my life this way but rather depend on the Lord's strength to take over when I am weak! And although waking up every morning begging the Lord take captive my thoughts and totally remove any sinful lustful thoughts, might get redundant at times and feel pointless really...I DON'T CARE, I am going to have to wake up every morning praying these exact thoughts... IF and only IF I truly want to be freed from my past from my sinful nature! I am Monica CHRIST Myers NOT Monica Lustful Myers! No sirrry bob I will not claim that over my life or accept it!

So as you see this has been a battle for years and will continue to be if I don't give the thoughts to Him every time they enter in. This means....now I know I ask for a lot of prayers but thats what we should be doing as brothers and sisters...SO I am gonna ask again for your prayers....I need YOUR help also to fight this battle!

Thank you so much for the LOVE and support I get from you all everyday in prayers, financially and just encouragement! And I don't get to check internet that often here because it's so expensive but I really love getting encouragement from you all, any type of word from back home is definitely needed and highly appreciated! My email is sweetmon05@yahoo.com.......so write when you can or simply leave a message from on here my blog site! Oh and just an update as you see money is still coming in PRAISE THE LORD...I am at $1500 left to raise so not much more just please be in prayer for that as well! Oh and  REALLY with a sincere heart I am asking you to please send me any prayer request or updates on life back home! (side note: Dad how are the colts doing who is in the playoffs...we have a bunch of wondering minds here in Kitale, Kenya! Just wanted to be able to have bragging rights if thats possible...so let me know...haha)

Love you all sooooo MUCH only because He loved me first and is teaching me to love more everyday...have blessed dreams tonight and a wonderful work week! :-)

One area I will start out telling you all about that I have learned I need to change is self-discipline...self-control! So I say a LOT of things...I say I need to do a lot of things and yet do I actually get up and do them, sad to admit but NOPE!!! I have not really been a woman of integrity...a woman of my word! This is quite a shameful thing to admit for me! Because I have never ever thought I would be this woman or at least admit it to everyone reading my blog...ha! I tell people I will do things and then in my head I think it out and don't think it's such a good idea and don't do it or just have intentions to tell them I changed my mind and then it never comes out of my mouth! So I fail at that part too! Then even with myself I do not stand by my word! I say I will get up and read my bible and have prayer time and then when it is time to get up I simply decide that sleeping is more important...more important than battling in prayer for the day for my family, friends, this country and myself...more important than letting God give me revelations from His words for that day and simply just getting encouragement from it! WHAT am I thinking! REALLY! 

In 1 Peter He says to think clearly and exercise self-control, and again still in 2 Peter 1:5-8 it says...       In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God's promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

All of these things are sooo important together! Without one it is hard to have the other! If you continue on in this passage it says how we must work hard and prove that you are among those God has called and chosen. If these things are strived for then we won't fall away.....                   Right there is the ANSWER! If we can do these things and not fall away...then why in the world don't we do them and not fall away from our Lord! I mean really! There have been many things over the years I realized this about listening to all the music that is disgusting as in only has perverse meaning and just bad news ya know... So in realizing this about myself I tried having people keep my accountable by waking me up and reminding me to read my bible...but really I feel this is a very immature move...haha I mean really something a 13 year old would have their mom do! So I simply have to get up and do it! MAKE myself get up and MAKE myself read...and MAKE myself pray and its all within my own choices that will decide whether I do this or not! But I know my flesh is not always going to be strong enough so I beg the Lord to be that shove that gets me up because He knows my hearts and my longings to know Him deeper, so He will do just that WAKE me up in many ways!

The next issue of my life I would like to tackle has been an issue in my life for quite some time...it's in relationships as in the kind between a woman and a man! I recently have spoken with a couple of my sisters about my past experiences in relationships and how I didn't make the right decisions in them quite often! See quite a few years ago when I was only in Jr. High is when everything started to go downhill! And the thing of it was that I was not even concerned that it was dishonoring the Lord or hurting Him, I was more worried that I would get caught by my parents or someone else ya know! And it wasn't till I was a sophomore in college and had finally started dating someone in my grandmothers words haha...that I actually realized what it was that I had given away! There was this one thing I truly wanted to be able to give my husband and we had been talking about that and it was just that simple I couldn't give it to anyone because I had already given it away, this special gift that's meant for only my husband! (BTW some of these things you might not know about me and I am sorry this is the way you find out)

Then realizing this again after I was engaged and then not with Him any longer how truly disgusting I felt because I truly was in love with Christ and I couldn't even save myself or stay pure as He says in 2 Timothy 2:21-22...If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.... So as I saw in this verse...I know that God has redeemed me from all these things that I have got myself into and put myself through because He is so very gracious and forgiving and loving with His unfailing LOVE! But it wasn't till the other night when I was talking to my friends and sisters Brittany and Brenda that I really decided something...more as in God spoke to me and I actually listened! I know myself and I know my strengths and weaknesses and what I can get myself into. So as we sat and told stories of our past and discussed how good of an idea it would be to not kiss at all till we are married! Let me preface this by saying NEVER EVER did I ever think this was a good idea! I thought this was a decision only lame-o super Christian kids or homeschoolers made...sorry no offense all you that this might offend!

 But Then as we kept speaking of the "no kissing" idea, I kept saying things that would bring up GOOD points in my head why I should do it! The Lord also reminded me of this verse that I loved and then I guess obviously just forgot about... Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body, Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20...The more I kept speaking to the girls about this matter the more I convinced myself the more God convinced me that the only way I was truly not going to go back down this path in the future and truly was going to be redeemed was by REALLY not putting myself in this position to even be able to mess up!!! SO I have decided to do NO Kissing until the day I say I do!!! NOW don't get me wrong I KNOW this is a bold statement and I KNOW this will be soooo HARD but it is what I AM GOING TO DO!!! J

LOVE you all sooo much! So in these bold statements I have made before ALL of you PLEASE keep me in your prayers! J thanks for all the support! 

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First off I just want to say sorry for it being so long since my last blog...just been pretty busy!

So here it is My Christmas day and Eve in full length picture! The 24^th came around and we were all making plans for our special Christmas day meals and there was a party at the church where we are staying. So we had to prepare food and gifts and the whole church by cleaning and all that!

So anyways that night all the people of this church came over and we ate really good food may I add together, and sang, laughed and just had such a good time together! Actually this church is more of an international church in ways...we have people from Finland, Nigeria, Ghana, Russia, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Hungary, America and of course Turkey...and maybe a couple more I cant remember! J So they had each nationality group get up and sing a Christmas song from their country! The Americans, all the world racers sang Deck the Halls...with everyone of us on a different key! Sounded quite bad actually – haha – then after the singing we all sat around talking, taking pictures, laughing, ate more, and just hung out.

As we all hung out, many times throughout the night I would myself thinking about my family back home! Thinking about this being one of the first times I think...yep...that I wasn't around family for Christmas...and not really sad because I KNOW I was called by the Lord to be on this trip and that meant giving up Christmas with my family in Indiana! Right?!?! Yes!

So anyways back to the story...As I was thinking of this I started looking at each person in the room that night and realizing, as we all know, that each one of us had a story of why we were in this church in Turkey on Christmas Eve together...and that every person in the room was not with family – true blood family for Christmas...so just as I am not home.... and with my fam opening presents on Christmas Eve, having a big feast that sis and I planned all out together then going to grandma's house Christmas morning and helping her finish running around getting all the cooking done before all my cousins and aunt and uncle come over and getting to spend time the first Christmas with my two beautiful nieces, and just being able to see and be with family at this time....okay enough down memory lane...haha... Just as I was missing out on all of this everyone in the church was missing a piece of home too...and their family! But all together all of us made up an amazing family that brought glory to God in their laughter and songs! How awesome is this Monica...I thought to myself...you are not with your family you grew up with But God has blessed you to be with this even bigger family this year and celebrate His birth!!!

Really just one more thing I need to explain...stay with me here...So then Christmas morning came, and our team had an amazing brunch and did gifts, stockings. JThen I stayed home preparing dinner while mostly everyone went to skype family back home!   So I decided I would just call later since everyone else really really needed to go call and I knew my fam would understand...So after about 3 hours and some of preparation I got this huge Mexican feast completed and we ate it allllll up and boy was it mmm mmm good!!! After Dinner and debrief Austin and I had planned to go skype home and talk with family on this beautiful holiday since neither of us had yet but then....the doorbell rang!...Please tell me why were the first thoughts in my head, oh no, we're gonna have to entertain someone and I won't be able to skype home! And I found myself a little frustrated for 1 minute!

Then our African brother Jack from Nigeria rolled in and kinda explained he was having a bad night and was just walking around because all His friends wanted Him to go to a club but he thought it would be a better idea not to go...so stopped by here hoping to be encouraged and lifted up by his family! So in these quick seconds a lot went through my head saying....cool glad you came but I have plans to skype my family to say Merry Christmas! Then I said to myself WHO THE HECK ARE YOU and WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU??? Have you forgotten all the Lord has taught you?!?! God called you here...not to still be daydreaming and to be at home in your head and wishing you were there.....he brought me here to LOVE the people in this place and even in this very moment!

Then a couple verses came to mind! One in Matthew 10:34-39 (alfjadfaodfijasodfiajdfoasjdfoj) I love my family dearly, praying for them daily, loving them more than I could express and they know this! But...the fact still remains I LOVE my Lord more than them! I Love Him with a deeper Love that no words or actions could express! So I must try by choosing His people He placed me amongst rather than wishing I was in another place! Then the verse in Luke 9:62 where He says "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God"....God has told me to go and I accepted so the decision was already made and I am plowing forward...so DO NOT look back and be sad or worried about Home when you have brothers and sisters right here to speak life into and celebrate God's birth and promises to us! AMEN!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and to all a GOODNIGHT!!!

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritualact of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.

                                                                                                       Romans 12:1-2 

This verse is so true in how it states we have to be transformed in our minds not just in our actions! There can be no transformation in my life without a past transformation in my head. In this verse it talks about renewing your mind....which is also the truest statement ....there is no transformation without a total renewing of my mind! The renewing of our minds must be a constant in our lives! We all have thoughts that come in our heads of course all day long...but are they worthy of praise? More than that I have been going through a battle in my head of choosing to grow choosing not to keep looking back, sometimes the things of the past seem so much better, they are comfortable and they are what we know is there...whether we truly know God has something soooo much better for us whatever that may be in whatever form!.....I really wish I could express of how much the battle is in my head! It's a struggle I am sure a lot of you can relate to, now whether I wanna talk about that struggle on here I don't know I might we'll see! Haha J It's the battle that comes when you are trying to do something right! When you want sooooo badly with all of you and you feel you need to do it the wrong thing I guess you could say, so in my head I think I want it I need it I have to do it but also in my head I KNOW that this is NOT what God wants from me! He has something so much better in mind! It is the biggest and hardest struggle I have ever gone through! And the HARDEST part of it all is making that decision to choose Christ over whatever IT is for you!  My Bible actually says "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by CHANGING the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you which is good and pleasing and perfect!" So to me, if I keep choosing to renew my thoughts every time they are not praiseworthy, then I will KNOW God's will for me!

Then in Hebrew 9:13-14 and 10:22 it explains of how the sacrifices used to take place and why they had to happen and then how Christ blood being sacrificed for us renewed and cleansed our consciences and minds! My sister Aubrey let me read a sermon she got and this has a good way of putting it....."Conscience is to my life what an engine is to a car. Pr. 23:7 says, "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." So when the Bible says that the blood of Jesus cleanses my conscience, it would mean that God is not after my outward performance. Christianity was never meant to be a performance. He is after my inner conscience! And without the blood my conscience is defiled. If my conscience is defiled, then my behavior will follow. Sin affects our conscience. Conscience affects our behavior- always."

I have had to do A LOT of choosing lately, choosing that I want our family to still work without my sister Aubrey and choosing to not let my thoughts be consumed with thoughts my future life, family and husband, and choosing not to think of a past relationship and missing them, and choosing Christ over myself every single stinkinmorning! And I find myself in a battle every time I go to make these decisions! Then I get more mad because I feel I should be able to make these decisions....why the heck cant I choose right from wrong, I have been making these choices since I was little...which goes into a of other things of conditions of how the society we grew up in influences every decision we make, but besides that WHY can't I just get over myself and choose CHRIST!!!

I have been thinking a lot lately.... obviously and today I was sitting out in the dessert alone just soaking in the sun and God and as I was out there I was also hoping camels aren't like bulls and like charging because there were 4 walking right in my direction...lol...but anyways I was just wondering around and asking God what do I do NOW???....I mean I have been growing and actually really trying at least to live out what it means to really be a Christian...live out what it says to actually do in the bible for about 2 years now instead of just saying I was a Christian and everynow and again do something that makes me feel good about my life! Now I made a lot of mistakes in those two years don't get me wrong but I said TRYING... And Now Lord this all seems normal....It's so awesome that I am still learning community and still yearning for more of Him every day and knowing that I need to grow A LOT in many areas but now again it's just making that choice to change the way I even think about things! But yet I just want to keep growing...I never want to stop...There is no place that is deep enough with the Lord...I am and want to be always wanting to grow deeper with Him! So anyways I just sat out there for a LOOOONG time in silence leaving my bible journal and ipod behind so I could just listen! Then I was reminded of a song that played during our hour of prayer yesterday! It's called created to worship by Rita Springer!

I am your sacrifice
I am your offering
I was created to worship you
There's nothing I could bring
That would mean more then this one thing
I was created to worship you.

You are all I have
All I have is you
You are all I am
All I am is you

Whatever you ask of me
There's no one I'd rather be
Then one created to worship you
In all that comes my way
Poverty fame or pain
I was created to worship you

Without you there's nothing Lord
Now and forevermore
I was created to worship you

This reminded me of this very thing! All I could try to do, all I could bring to Him, all the yearning in me to grow is awesome but sometimes we get so caught up in wanting to grow more and more and more (well at least I do) that I forget this simple fact.....I was created to WORSHIP God!!!! The rest will come!....the depth in my relationship with Him will grow automatically once I realize just worshiping Our mighty God is what truly matters! Love our God and Love His people! AMEN!!!  

• "G-d" or "Father" or "Dad" for the one we worship.
• "thinking" for talking to "Dad"
• "sharing" for the work that we are doing in these countries